I Want to Change

I read the first four chapters of Matthew and there was nothing that really struck me, until I started into chapter five. I only read the first 11 verses and I felt cut to the heart.

¹ Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ² and he began to teach them.
He said:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me." Matthew 5: 1-11

How can I begin to practice these things out in the world, if I cannot even practice them with one person? I am not poor in spirit, meek (enduring injury with patience and without resentment), merciful, a peacemaker, or pure in heart.

Tonight Mr. Warner and I were engaged in an argument. I had an opportunity to agree, to seek forgiveness, to admit my failure and instead I sought a place of comfort- defensiveness. The funny thing is that on Friday, at our married couples group we had committed to not being defensive or accusatory with our spouse. And there I was, knowing I was in sin and shame, and rather than be in it, to mourn it, I chose more shame in fighting.

I don't know about you, where you are in marriage or your relationship with Jesus, but I am ready for a change. I desire to embody the beatitudes in my marriage and interaction with the world.

Jesus please help me to change, to cut off these dead branches in my life.