An Easy Way Out?

"He said to them, 'Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.'" Matthew 19:8

Have you noticed that we live in a world that screams for divorce? One out of two couples get a divorce at some time. I am sure you have thought of it before- it would just be so easy, I would be happier, I could finally have freedom, my problems would disappear...

Those are the lies that the Enemy tells us, he preys on us until our hearts harden to our spouse and we give in to that "easy" way. Can you also apply that to your relationship with Christ? Sometimes it's just easier not to obey, or you just want to be able to watch that show, or listen to that band. There is no middle ground, scripture does not say there's an in-between. You are either participating in God's Kingdom or the kingdom of darkness.

How are you living out your marriage? How about your relationship with Christ? He wants us with Him and He wants us with our spouse. Both require work, it doesn't just happen. But the best part is that you CAN do it. All you need to do is set aside your pride and declare you need the help of Christ. He is glorified in your weakness. Allow Him to provide you with self-control, patience, love, and endurance.

Don't be full of pride, searching for the easy way out, be willing to humble yourself and ask God for help.

Defiled

"Hear and understand: Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man... But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies." Matthew 15:11, 18-19

Last night, my husband was reading some stories about heaven and the account he read included rollercoasters and movies. Our whole marriage he has struggled with my enjoyment of both, and I have always believed that there was something about them that reminded me of God. So, I know it is odd, but this has been a six and a half year argument, and last night my sweet husband tried to say sorry!

How nice right? Well guess what I assumed? The worst. I accused him of being sarcastic and not meaning it. Here he was, apologizing for years of putting me down, and I thought he was still doing it. What does my accusation say about my heart?

Jesus says that the words that come out of our mouths come from our hearts and defile us, I believe they also cause harm to those around us. I have now created an atmosphere for my husband to feel unsafe to humble himself and say sorry.

The words that came out of my mouth are also so normal. It seems that it comes so naturally to see the worst, rather than to see the best. What if I chose to expect good things from those I love? From even strangers? I need to begin to rid myself of criticism. How does this begin?

Titus 1:15 says, "To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled."

I need to ask to be made pure. I cannot do this on my own. I must take ownership of my weakness and allow Christ to show off His strength within me.

Good Soil

"Hear the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what is sown along the path. As for what is sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for awhile, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among the thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty." Matthew 13:13-23

A couple of evenings ago, some friends of mine were asking about my compost pile. They were curious as to what I put in it- vegetable scraps, old-gross fruits and veggies, old coffee grounds, egg shells, fallen leaves, etc. We were also discussing how certain animal feces are good for your lawn and others are not. It's interesting to me that trash, feces, and death (when you plant corn you usually add dead fish) create good soil.

Yet, as I read this passage of scripture it makes sense, especially when you look at those who "receive it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for awhile, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away". How can we allow God's word to take root in our lives if we have not suffered and can then say God is good, despite it.

I want to create good soil in my heart. I believe that it means for me to experience death: those areas in myself that cry out for my sake, but not for the sake of others. Here is an example- I am not organized or able to live out of a schedule, but my husband and kids need it. They feel more secure and comfortable within routines. I could easily fight for my right to enjoy days the way I like them, or I can kill that part of myself and see how Jesus can give me life.

I also believe that I must give the trash and scraps of my life over to God, so that He can reuse it to create rich soil. Sometimes I find that I hold onto trash, believing that it is treasure. Isn't it amazing the lies we think to be true?

Are you like me, do you also have areas of your life that you are hording? You just can't seem to clean out the clutter of your heart? Release them so that God can provide you with good soil, without rich earth, His words will be meaningless and you will be swept away to the world.

Yoke

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Do you fully understand what a yoke is? A yoke cannot work unless there is one ox that leads and one that submits. If there are two leading oxen they will become immobilized, because the yoke will not allow them to go in separate directions. Yet there cannot be two submitting oxen because they will just stand there and not move. I am sure you get the picture now... to be equally yoked one must follow and one must lead.

This works the same way as we follow Christ and the authorities that He has placed in our lives, be it our husbands, employers, or pastors. As the bride of Christ we must submit to Him and the life He has called us to. A life of yielding ourselves to Him.

He says take my yoke and learn from Him, and what is He? He is gentle and lowly. Am I learning that? How am I becoming gentle and lowly? Maybe I am not learning at all because I am not moving- Jesus is attempting to take me one way yet I am trying to go the other, but really we're just standing still in my disobedience.

Are you moving with Jesus, following Him and taking the time to learn from Him? Or is fear or rebellion or pride immobilizing you?

I believe we will know by the fruit our life is bearing.

Matthew 12:33-35 says, "Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil the treasure brings forth evil things."

What fruit is being revealed? Can you see your life producing fruit of submission or the fruit of standing still?

Worthy. Find. Lose.

"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who not take up his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." Matthew 10:37-39

worthy: having value, honorable

find: to come upon by searching or effort; to discover by effort or study

lose: fail to use, let slip by; to fail to keep control of or allegiance of

I am worthy of Christ when I put Him as first. I have value when He is number one. All I can think is that I have not been putting Him first in my life. My laziness, excuses, selfishness, relationships and pride can testify to this fact.

I think I am too busy trying to find my worth and life in a world that is fleeting. Finding, searching, discovering... isn't that what the world says is our job? I hear a constant shout to FIND YOURSELF! How funny, Jesus specifically tells me not to. It is not my job, but His.

Here is my job- to lose my life, to not discover who I am, but WHO CHRIST IS. That's it!!! Do you see what I'm seeing? I need to just stop looking at me, and look at JESUS. Nothing else is as important. It's when I focus on Him that He finds me, declares my value, and makes everything else work.

Have you ever noticed that when you are obeying God's heart that your life seems to just flow? Even when things are hard, that there is a peace to sustain you? I know that to be the truth and yet I find myself in constant disobedience.

For me it comes down to this: I must conscientiously lose myself. I like the definition that says fail to use. I need to fail to use my sinful desires so that I can find my life in Christ.

"Just There" Branches

"So every tree that does not produce good fruit will be chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes the way to identify a tree or a person is by the kind of fruit that is produced." Matthew 7: 19-20

We have a tree in our front yard that will have to be removed because it not longer produces leaves or blossoms. Do you know why it does not? It wasn't properly pruned and is dying as a result. Pruning is very interesting, sometimes you cut off perfectly fine pieces of a plant in order to get more out of the plant.

In order to produce "good fruit" we need to be pruned as well. God has to cut off pieces of us in order for us to produce fruit and keep producing.

Are there areas in your life that you feel a slight nudge about? Something that isn't necessarily sinful, but it is not adding life or taking away... it's just there. What's the point of having something that's just there? I think I am starting to long for things that are in my life to bring about the best in me. I don't know that I have room for the useless things and the useful ones.

Do you want to know my "just there" thing is? I have a difficult time writing it down because then there's no going back, everyone knows and I'm accountable. My nudge is- media, everything from TV, music, movies, and even books. I like to have noise around me because I am used to it, but some it is "just there" not doing anything for me, not taking either. Yet I felt the Holy Spirit softly whispering to me, saying what is the meaning of this, how is this pushing you to me?

Isn't that what being the Bride of Christ is all about? Aren't we supposed to be constantly preparing and thinking about our Love? Shouldn't we be doing things that draw us closer to the day when we stand before Him?

Think of a young, happy fiancée. What is she doing all the time? She is thinking about being her man's bride, she is always ready to glimpse him, thinking of what needs to be done to enjoy the moment they are united for life. Where is our yearning, not only for our earthly spouses, but for the only ONE that truly matters for eternity?

I want to be a bride to Mr. Warner and Jesus. I believe these go hand in hand. I need to start removing my "just there" branches so I can produce more amazing fruit. Even if I am just a tree that has pretty leaves and flowers, that my only job is to be pretty... I want to be as pretty as I can for my Eternal Love. That's what this life is all about, I am preparing for my wedding day.

How are you getting ready for the big day?

I Want Life!

"Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life and there are few who find it." Matthew 7:13-14

I live in a world that lives for the self. The broad path leads to me. It's all about my life, my desires, my dreams, my need to be understood. This is especially true for women. If we are not being catered to, then our men are insensitive or uncaring.

But they have dreams, desires, and feelings too. Why is it that ever since the feminist movement we have decided that women should be elevated above men?

Maybe the narrow path for us, in our culture is saying no. I am not going to put me first. I going to lose my life to gain it. I am going to strike out on the difficult road.

Well what does this practically look like?

It looks like me making dinner even when I don't feel like it. It's me putting the kids to bed, reading them a story, and brushing their teeth so that Mr. Warner can make one more parent phone call- even though I have been up with the girls ALL day and they haven't napped (you know that day.) It means asking him about his day when he walks in the door instead of unloading all of my garbage because he is the first grown-up I have seen all day. It means that my day matters less so his can matter more.

Ready to Work Out

"And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two." Matthew 5:41

I have a huge desire to get in shape and a few weeks ago, I was invited by my god-mother to start walking and training for a possible marathon. It has been a real adventure for me to commit to a better lifestyle because I have a tendency to be lazy. I realize that if invited to walk an extra mile, it would be hard for me. I have not prepared myself physically in order to do that. I know that in the next few months I will be able to do that, but it is going to take work.

Thinking about working out and this verse, made me wonder if I am working out my soul, heart, and mind to be ready for that extra mile. Am I becoming lazy inside as well as outside? Looking back at the last few weeks with Mr. Warner makes me wonder if I look for ways to opt out of helping my husband more. Do I only complete the bare minimum at times to feel like I'm being a good wife as opposed to actually being one?

The other problem that I have is wanting to show off my good deeds. If I do more than is asked of me, or even if I do what is asked of me, I like to be acknowledged. I want to be seen and known for the effort that I am putting in. But my ways are not God's ways. Here is what He wants me to me do:

"But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly." - Matthew 6:3-4

Here is what I need to do:

1. Be content with God seeing the good things I do.

2. Be prepared to go the extra mile.

The prepared part looks like going back to basics. What are the two greatest commandments? Love God and love others. For me to love God means to spend more time with Him in prayer, reading my Bible, and worshiping Him. For me to love others changes daily, but hopefully by loving God first, I will be lead by His Spirit to love others "the extra mile way".

I am ready to work out my heart, soul, mind, and body!

Not a Vain Fellow

²² But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ [vain fellow] shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. Matthew 5:22

This evening I thought my husband was being a "vain fellow" with our two and a half year old. Here's what was going on: Asher (the two year old) wanted some ice cream and Mr. Warner would not give her any until she asked the right way.

All he was doing was taking his time to help her slow down and annunciate her speech, but all I could see was her struggle. Not my husband's persistence and patience, just my baby's frustration at her inability to give her father what he wanted.

So, in the midst of this, I am whispering in his ear, "Your expectations are too high, she's only two, why are you being so hard on her, etc." Ugh! I thought he was full of himself and now I can clearly see that he was being a good dad.

I am so easily blinded, especially when it comes to my daughters. It comes more naturally to be for them, than for my husband. Who is it that I am one with? That I made vows to? It is my husband, not my daughters.

Lord, please help me "to be slow to speak and quick to listen." I want to bring You glory in my marriage, please show me how.

The Right Amount of Salt

¹³ “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men." - Matthew 5:13

If you did not know, I enjoy cooking, very much. I am not a skilled cook, but I am good cook. One of the things that I am not very good at is salting my food. I usually under salt because I am always afraid of the dish being too salty.

Do you know why we use salt? To bring out the flavors of our food.

When I under-salt, as I usually do, I am not bringing my dish to its fullest potential. I do this in my marriage is well. I do not give my husband the right amount of respect, love, care, kindness, attention, and nurturing that can bring him to his fullest.

I also over-salt him. Have you ever put too much salt in a dish? I find that it is much hard to correct than the former. It's the same in my relationship: I can't undo the hurtful things I have said and my husband is human- it's harder for him to forget the damage I inflicted.

I would like to learn how to salt Mr. Warner in just the right way. I believe that in order to do this, I need to take my time and sample the things I am adding to. I also need to ask him where he feels a lack of flavor. It's my job, as not only a wife, but a fellow believer to bring out of him God's intentions and desires for the man He envisions. Not the man I think he should be.

I need to remember that my husband is the Lord's recipe, not mine.

I Want to Change

I read the first four chapters of Matthew and there was nothing that really struck me, until I started into chapter five. I only read the first 11 verses and I felt cut to the heart.

¹ Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ² and he began to teach them.
He said:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me." Matthew 5: 1-11

How can I begin to practice these things out in the world, if I cannot even practice them with one person? I am not poor in spirit, meek (enduring injury with patience and without resentment), merciful, a peacemaker, or pure in heart.

Tonight Mr. Warner and I were engaged in an argument. I had an opportunity to agree, to seek forgiveness, to admit my failure and instead I sought a place of comfort- defensiveness. The funny thing is that on Friday, at our married couples group we had committed to not being defensive or accusatory with our spouse. And there I was, knowing I was in sin and shame, and rather than be in it, to mourn it, I chose more shame in fighting.

I don't know about you, where you are in marriage or your relationship with Jesus, but I am ready for a change. I desire to embody the beatitudes in my marriage and interaction with the world.

Jesus please help me to change, to cut off these dead branches in my life.

The Lens of Wifehood

I have been thinking a lot about what it looks like to a bride. There are a lot of things that are bouncing around in my head, but I believe that I really need to go back to the basics. I want to go through the New Testament and read it through the lens of wifehood. We will be starting with Matthew tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Representing

Yesterday at Elements (my mom bible study) a woman named Esther Ntoto spoke. What she had to say truly stirred my heart. She spoke about the work she and her and husband are doing in the Congo, which is truly incredible. If you have time, please visit their website: http://www.loafrica.org *Be sure to click on the About Congo section to understand the desperation of this country.

Here's what she said that impacted me, she said she was an ambassador for Christ. I know that is something we all hear as Christians, all the time... but the way she presented it made me get it. She started by reading this:

"Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new. Now all things are of God who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

"Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God." 2 Corinthians 5:16-20

Ambassadors represent their nation within another nation. They are protected by their country and given the responsibility to represent their country. Esther used this verse to validate how she serve in the Congo (where rape is actually used as military tool), she can do it because she is an ambassador for Christ and He has her back. Here's what really got me- she said that if you know your call, you can do anything because you know God has you!

I know my call- Jesus wants me to be His bride and to shine at it. I feel more passion and excitement because I know that I am representing The Kingdom and My King's values in this call. I am ready to do this, understanding that He has my back.

I Need a Leader

The day after our anniversary Mr. Warner lead us on a prayer walk in the Back Bay.

It was a beautiful crisp Wednesday morning. Due to the rain a couple days prior, everything was vibrant shining in all of its glory. I felt so small being in such a sweeping place of beauty.

As my husband began to lead me to "our trail" I began to get anxious because it was not the way we would usually go. I started off our walk mistrusting him. Does that sound familiar to you? Has Jesus started you out on a well-acquainted path, but then He veers in a new direction? Do you trust that He knows what He is doing? Honestly, I struggle with that, not only with my husband, but also with my Savior.

After a few minutes of following him, despite my reservations, I saw where we were going. And guess what? It was a safer and more stable path. My heart began to soften at once, I could feel myself giving into his leadership and what he had for us... which was an Adventure.

So, as I told you, it had rained a few days prior and we expected some mud, but we did not anticipate a marsh, which is exactly what we found. The only way for us to make it through, was to keep moving forward, and for someone to clear a path. Mr. Warner, surely did his duty and cleared a path. He protected me from cactus, sludge, thorns, and unstable trails. Without him going before me, I would have been lost and unprotected.

I can look at my relationship with Christ through a similar lens. If He had not loved and sacrificed first I would not be able to follow His lead, to find shelter in His worn tracks. I am discovering how desperately I need leadership in my life. I love that my seventh year of marriage began with my reliance on my Honey. What a great reminder for how to follow and trust in him, and in Christ.

I love my hard working husband.

Last Tuesday, Mr. Warner and I celebrated our sixth anniversary. It was a great night. He took me out to the Yard House, where we took turns asking each other first date questions, which he printed out for us.

Dinner was followed by a bonfire at Balboa Pier. We prayed for one another, and asked that the Lord be the center of our marriage always. It was a great way to start the new year, together and in unity.

We spent the evening sleeping in our driveway, in the bed of his truck, whispering about the day we eloped... discussing our fears and excitements. It seems that as more time goes by, the better we can see who we were that day. I think this is one of my favorite anniversary traditions.

I have more to share about our adventure, but it has to wait until tomorrow. I am so wiped!

Some days I need to remind myself that I am flesh of Wesley's flesh. This is not one of the days.

We have hardly seen or spoken to one another today, but I know that I am his wife and he loves me. I am his. I like that.

It's the same with Christ, we are His. We are flesh of His flesh. We belong to Him.

How beautiful is that.

"'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church."

Ephesians 5:31-32

These verses are plucking at the strings of my heart. There is something about my marriage that shows my brothers and sisters how to be in relationship with Christ, not only as an individual, but as a member of the Body.

I am beginning to feel a burden to be a good wife. Being a bride to Wesley not only draws my husband closer to Christ, but those around me to Him as well.

This is my life as a bride. This is me figuring out what it looks like.